Humor

I Can’t Handle All The Celebrity Divorces

I Can't Handle All The Celebrity Divorces

It’s been 10 years since Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston got divorced and I still haven’t gotten over it.  I’m under no impression that celebrity marriages usually last longer than the latest boy band craze, but there are just some relationships you think can beat the odds.  Some Hollywood couples seem like their marriages are just like yours or your next-door neighbors and it’s so sad to see when they end.

This summer has been rough for celebrity divorces.  Most of them I didn’t see coming, and I’ve having trouble coping.  I’m taking the Miranda Lamber and Blake Shelton divorce harder than when my parents split.  The only logical reason I will accept for their end is that Blake is in love with Adam Levine.  Because that, is totally understandable.

But Ben Afflec and Jennifer Garner? Reba and Narvel? Gwen Stefani and Mr. Gwen Stefani? (seriously I can’t even remember his name.) It’s become more than I can handle.  I saw a rumor that Will Smith and Jada were getting divorced and I thought, “IS THERE NO TRUE LOVE?!?”  The next thing you’re going to tell me is that the people that go on the Bachelor aren’t looking for an honest and real relationship!  Or that WWE is all acting!  I kid, I kid.  Seriously, this summer has been hard.  I just keep thinking that Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson better be hanging in there because I don’t think I could make it if they got divorced. But Adam Levine and his wife, now that’s a split I’ll support.  #BlakeAndAdamForeva

Which celebrity divorce has been the toughest on you?

An Unforgivable Betrayal

 

An Unforgivable Betrayal

As a wife, I have learned that forgiving quickly is one of the keys to having a happy and healthy relationship.  Most of the time I can get over my hurt to forgive and move on.  But in this one instance, this is an unforgivable betrayal I just can’t get over.

My husband watched episodes of our favorite show without me!

Have you ever had this happen?!  You and your significant other or you and your best friend have been binge-watching a show from the beginning on Netflix.  You started the first episode together and you’re going to spend weeks watching it until the end.  One night you happen to have plans that cut into your Friends episode time, and when you come home, your significant other or friend has watched SEVERAL EPISODES WITHOUT YOU.

They don’t even try to pretend they haven’t seen the episodes and re-watch them with you.  No…they just start the show from where they let off.  SEVERAL EPISODES AHEAD.  And it’s not like you haven’t seen every episode of Friends, but it’s the one cardinal rule of binge watching with another person.  You don’t watch episodes without them!!  We have a million options with Hulu and Neflix, but for some reason our show was the only option.  Unforgivable I say.  Unforgivable.

Has this ever happened to you?

 

A Velociraptor Proof Room

A Velociraptor Proof Room

I was three when the original Jurassic Park movie came out.  I was probably too young to see the movie but I was also obsessed with Abraham Lincoln at the time (yes, I was a very strange child) so my mom thought I was mature enough to handle it.  And I proved her right by exclaiming that all the dinosaurs weren’t scary because they were “am-mamatronic.”  I told you I was odd.

The movie became my favorite movie at the time and for the most part it didn’t scare me.  I desperately wanted to visit a theme park that had dinosaurs.  But one irrational fear lingered from being a three-year old who loved an adult movie.  To this day I enter a room and one of my first thoughts is, “is this room velociraptor proof?!”

Do you remember the scene in the movie where the two kids are hiding in the kitchen and the raptors come in? This is the scene I think of when I’m sitting in a room alone.  “If a velociraptor came in the is room would I have places to hide? Would their be some place to lock them up?” Clearly some part of my inner three-year old has stuck around.

I read the original book for the first time in preparation for the new movie and let me tell you, it’s a good thing my mom didn’t read it to me as a bedtime story.  It was terrifying!  I found myself hearing bird noises outside while I was reading in my bedroom and thinking, “those birds are definitely part dinosaur and will try to bust through these windows to peck my eyes out.”  I told you my fears weren’t exactly rational.

I guess it goes without saying that I LOVED the new movie.  I texted one of my girlfriends after to tell her that it was the hottest movie I’ve ever seen.  Apparently I have a serious thing for Dinosaur Trainers.  When I told my husband Chris Pratt reminded me of him the whole movie he said, “You know I’m not Chris Pratt right?”  Oh…yes…I know that.  But do you know if this room is velociraptor proof?

Have you seen Jurassic World?  What did you think?

 

When Dogs Get Mail

When Dogs Get Mail

I get a lot of packages in the mail.  Between jewelry deliveries, Amazon purchases, items to review for the blog, and care packages from my parents in California, there are boxes delivered to our apartment several times a week.  With all of those deliveries, how is it possible that my dogs know when the mail is for them?!?

Thanks to Chewy, my dogs usually get a fun surprise once a month or so.  And boy when those dogs get mail do they get excited.  I’m pretty positive they can’t read so they can’t see where the box has come from, but they always know.  The minute the box is brought in the door, their little ears perk right up!

When Dogs Get Mail

Bella proceeds to make sniffing and grunting noises and Penguin gets a big grin on his face and starts running around in circles.  He’s incapable of being excited about something without making himself dizzy.  When he does this I imagine myself going out to the mailbox to wait for the mail to be delivered.  It just wouldn’t look right if I spun around whenever I was excited for a delivery. (Note to self to try this as a social experiment.)

When Dogs Get Mail

Once the box is open, all bets are off.  There is pure chaos as the dogs try to get me to give them whatever is inside.  They don’t even know what it is yet.  This past month the surprise box came with Icelandic Haddock biscuits (someone please tell me I’m not the only one who had no idea what a Haddock was) and as I busted them open to give Bella and Penguin a taste, I was overwhelmed by the worst smell imaginable.  Which is saying a lot because Penguin’s breath could kill dragons.

But hey, the dogs loved them because apparently they love to eat things that smell terrible to humans, (cat poop, trash, etc.) so I was happy, and once I aired out the apartment and washed my hands six or seven times, things calmed down to normal.  Well as normal as it ever is in an apartment with a 100-lb Lab, a Pomeranian that thinks he’s a cat, and a cat that may or may not be the devil.

Do your dogs know when the mail is for them?

My Latest Total Rebecca Move

My Latest Total Rebecca Move

I tend to do some pretty silly things like put my shirts on inside out and not realize it all day or wonder where my phone is while I’m talking on it.  I like to call these occurrences, “Total Rebecca Moves.”  My latest Total Rebecca Move may be one of my most embarrassing (maybe not…I’ve done some pretty embarrassing things).

Last night the Nashville sunset was gorgeous and I just HAD to take a picture.  And you see from that photo up top that I got a pretty good one.  See, I was walking up the stairs to my apartment talking to my mom on the phone.  I put her on speaker phone to get ready to take the picture and I hear her shouting, “Buddy, stop eating dog food.”  Buddy is a cat and apparently he like dog food.  Anyway, as her words echoed up and down the stairs so loudly I’m sure all my neighbors heard, I realized I could get a better picture if I walked one flight up.

I was still trying to take the best picture (For every 25 you take there has to be one good one right?!) and my mom was still shouting at the cat not to eat dog food and I was getting pretty embarrassed.  I finally took what I considered an Instragram-worthy photo and proceeded to head to my apartment.

But my key didn’t work.  I still have a key to my old roommate’s apartment, so I figured I’d stuck the wrong key in the door.  I looked down and nope, it was the right key.  Mind you I’m shoving the door and getting frustrated with my key and my mom is still shouting at the cat, “darn cat, why won’t he listen?!?” Then, I look up the door does not have my address on it.  I’m still one flight up from my apartment!  I tried to break in to someone else’s place.  Luckily they didn’t come out with guns drawn because a crazy lady shouting, “Buddy stop eating the dog food,” was trying to break in.  But seriously…TOTAL REBECCA MOVE.

Make me feel better…have you done something embarrassing lately?  I won’t laugh.  Well…I might.